So we went off to lunch today at work. Just six of us. And it was a complete shit fight to even get out the door. People said that we deliberately left people out, and who was organising it, they did a shitty job etc.etc.. The truth of it is that we wanted a nice, relaxed lunch and nobody invited the people who cause problems at work. GalPal and I arranged to have lunch, she invited someone, they invited someone, I invited someone... it ended up being 3/4 of our department. And just before we left the supervisor was running around trying to find who hadn't invited everybody.
So we wandered up to the cafe near work. I had to stop in at the ATM and they kept going. I had almost caught up to them by the lights. Almost, but not quite. So I did a quick sprint to catch up.
Here's the 'hence the title bit here' ==> First the bag started swinging. No problem, I'll grab onto the bag itself, not the handle. Then the necklace started bouncing off my chest. No problem, put other hand on necklace.
Then the boobs started swinging too. My hands were already full witht he bag and necklace. I ended up joggin with my forearms pinned to my bosom, one hand desperately clutching the bag (which had ended up near my ear by this stage), and the other holding down my necklace. And since I've been sick of late, I was wheezing and rattleing like a good little emphysemic biatch.
I gave up. I looked like a complete tard. I could have only looked more retarded if I had drooled. Which isn't completely uncommon.
I'm so bummed right now. I went to my favourite plus size store. And they had this absolutely amazing dress. Gold satin with black lace over the top. Stunning. I tried it on. And it was too big. I asked them if they had a smaller size, but I was already in the smallest.
I don't fit into the smallest sizes at the plus size store anymore.
My dirty little secret: I've been listening to Human Nature all night. Oh, the shame.