Sunday, August 19, 2007

No Regrets

I have no regrets. I can say that in all honesty. I regret nothing about my life. I have done some things that I'm not proud of, had lots of crigeworthy moments, and excelled myself in the stupidly stakes on a pretty much monthly basis. I've put myself into positions that have scared the absolute crap out of myself. I've been humiliated, abused, beaten, neglected and broken. It hasn't been a fun trip. But I come through it all with my head held high, and whatever remnants of my dignity gathered around me. Usually blushing to clash with my hair.

There is a very simple reason for this. I have a philosophy. I have several in fact, but I will impart this one, now.

Regrets are a waste of time.

See, very simple. And it works as a philosophy as well. You've done something in the past that you cannot change. You wish you hadn't done it. But instead of dwelling on it, and never moving on, its better to learn from the situation. So you can avoid it in future, or deal with it appropriately should it ever arise again.

Classic example. Ex regret. We've all been there. You have just broken up with someone and you don't want it to be over. So you think about it all the time. You may mentally circle their faults, or your own, or certain scenarios that could have been better handled. And you never move on. You never heal the wound that was left when that person tore their soul from your own. You miss chances, at relaxation, at happiness. You may choose methods to forget. You may sleep with inappropriate people, because they have some characteristic which reminds you of the other. Or you may sink into drugs/alcohol to make you forget. You may be stupid with your money and try to buy happiness. Or you might even retreat into yourself, never to make new friends, let alone lovers, again. If you regret, you don't move on. You don't remember the good times. The hurt never heals.

But you don't. You dwell for a while. You nurse the pain. You turn to your friends. Thats normal. You remember the good times. The fun you had. The laughs you shared. You forget the fights, the disappointments. But you know they're not a part of your life anymore. Eventually the pain dims. You may be able to see them with their new beau without feeling the hurt again. And its time. Time for you to move on and begin again. To find someone who inspires you to try it all over again.

There are several big things I could regret in my life. My big one would be the move to Sydney. I could easily list why. But that would be a post in itself. Nobody really expected me to be able to make it here. I went from a town of 600 people, to a city of about 4.3 million. On the basis of a job alone. I could easily regret the move because of the journey. And long time readers will know that is has been extremely difficult. But I don't regret it. Not one bit.


phishez_rule said...

The clear exception to the 'No Regrets' rule is

Michael C said...

I love your philosophy and explanation. It's a perfect way to get through life. There are things I regret doing, but then I write about them, people laugh at me and we all move on ;-)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I concur! Regrets, like worry, are a great misuse of time.

Beefcake Almighty said...

I've done some things in my past I'm not proud of.

Some movies.

And they all involve a 9 volt battery, a large tub of mayonnaise, a length of rubber hose, a copy of "Cat Fancy" magazine, a unicycle, and a crash helmet.

RAFFI said...

brings to mind 'don't cry over spilt milk', 'everything happens for a purpose', 'coulda, shoulda, woulda is stupida', and 'regrets will grow like pets if you keep feeding them nutrients'.

Josh said...

Have to agree, No regrets is a good policy.

My personal one is that "Bullshit is bullshit and life is to short for it"

People who lie or manipulate can just piss off.

Cazzie!!! said...

No regrets...take no prisoners...don't look back... there is no time lik the NOW...good for you for making it a great journey..of course there will be bumps, but we get over them right?

Nick said...

I was really hoping you would make that exception.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Remember My Way by Frank Sinatra when he's like: "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention."

I hope to feel the same way as Old Blue Eyes when I'm old and gray.

fingers said...

I was going to offer you some brilliant advice but i'd only regret it...

Josh said...

Awesome post. Living with regrets is no way to live. Letting go of regret can be difficult, but it's also one of the greatest, most liberating things you can do.

colonel eggroll said...

Nice post. I once read somewhere that most people miss living in the present because they are so wrapped up thinking about the past and worrying about the future. I try to remember that when I start overanalyzing, and take time to enjoy the everyday things I take for granted.

Trundling Grunt said...

A simple philosophy and a brave one. Dman hard to follow though sometimes.

yrautca said...

its not as easy but i agree with you. we all have to move on. i made the big move to chicago, leaving behind a great job and home. it was a most difficult period and i miss my old place very much. but will i change anything? no! life is moving ahead, not staying put.

phishez_rule said...

Michael C - That sounds like the best way to move on.

SSNick - There are much better things to be doing.

Beefcake - ooh, mayonnaise..

Raffi - regrets grow like pets. that's... er... unique.

Josh - sometimes its hard to avoid whats being flung at you though.

Cazzie - bumps make the journey interesting

Nick - I wrote that, then went over and checked out your blog. I felt about an inch tall.

Kenneth - But would you have had half the life he had?

Fingers - damn.

Josh - Regrets eat you alive. There are better things to eat you than regrets :)

Grunt - if it was easy it wouldn't be as satisfying

Y - yeah, thats pretty much what I did. There's so much potential for regret. But if you regret, then you don't build a new life.

Anonymous said...

I like the way you write this. I have a few regrets as well!! But then if I didn't do point A I would never have got point B,C and D.
If that makes sense.

phishez_rule said...

Betty - thats pretty much the premise of it. Point A was horrible, but look what happened after it.

Obesio said...

You are much healthier than I am. If my life had a theme, it would be "All Regrets."

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

It is better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done.

It's true. There's a lot it regret not having done.
There's lot's I SHOULD regret having done.
I don't.

phishez_rule said...

Obesio - read: you've had a full life and taken every chance you got offered.

Ingsoc - I guess regrets over something you should have done are a bit different. Things you have done you can at least say 'I tried.'

Anonymous said...

clearly, you are a smart chick.

Professor said...

I like your resasons behind no regrets. My theory on regrets is that if I can learn something for an experience, however cringworthy, then it isn't regretful. I have 2 regrets. These two things are things that I haven't been able to walk away from and have learned anything. These are 2 things I haven't been able to reconcile in my head and heart. I wish I could take your regret concept and apply it to me.

And don't you love proving people wrong?

phishez_rule said...

Kelly - of course I am!

Prof - I'm competitively stubborn I is.