I'm not sure why you've done this to me. I hate you for it. It began as a comment here, a laugh there. And pretty soon its all blown out of proportion. Every time I think of you, my stomach gets tied in knots. My blood pressure rises and I begin to shake. You make me drop things and forget things. I can't concentrate and I swear everybody knows exactly whats going on. I try to hide it. I'm not a big fan of letting everybody know my business. But its affecting me more than I care to let on.
I'd forgotten about what its like to be around you. Even thought I could go it alone, get over this by myself. But you've dragged me back in. Well and truly. And I can't fight it anymore. Seeing you today has made me realise that. You're like nobody I've ever met before. Why do you let me twist in the wind like this?
I seriously want to tell you to go shave. You're scruffy and you have one grey hair living on your chin. But you're just not you without your beard. And I do like that little grey hair. But at the same time I love it when you shave. You have the most kissable skin. Your shorter than the usual model, you don't care what you wear. I, on the other hand, am very fashion conscious. You love your bike. Not for the attitude that goes with it, but for the freedom. I love that too, but its appeal to me, lies more in its appeal to you.
You're so smart. I've never been with a guy who's smarter than I am. But you don't make me feel stupid. Nor do you see it as your role to teach me everything you know. I have my own knowledge and you value that, as highly as you value your own. It fills in the gaps in your intellect.
Your advice is the one I trust blindly. Your experience far outweighs my own. Your so damn stubborn and hotheaded. But so am I. Yet you don't devalue me where I'm inexperienced or naive. You make me want to get out there and do things, just for the hell of it. Take that chance. Encourage risks, but don't be stupid. Live on the edge. The safe edge. Travel, see the world. Love. All risks.
You make all of my problems seem so... insignificant. When you smile at me with that special smile, and I see your feelings in your eyes, I ache on the inside. I want to be able to tell you all of this. I want so much to just be with you. To be able to relax in my own skin and forget all of my problems and irritants. Just to be with you, and lie in your arms, smelling you, feeling you, hearing you.
Damn you Green Eyes. Damn you and this hold you have over me.
I want to date others. I really do. Just to prove that I am my own master. But I can't, you see. So while you've bid me wait, I will. I hate it. I truly do. I'm impatient and restless and frustrated. I want to move on, but I'm trapped here. Waiting.
But I'm not sure I want to be let go. I like the feel of the wind in my hair.